Intoxication: Confusion and Consent
I was wearing a new dress from Zalora that everyone said looked great on me. I don’t usually wear sexy things but I had been going to the gym and wanted to show off! I met Beng that night at a party and we hit it off instantly. He was really cute, we had lots of things in common, and he was so funny. I couldn’t believe he was so into me! He kept buying me drinks and I probably drank more than I should. To be honest, most of the time I don’t drink but that night I wanted to let loose and I was just in the mood for celebrating.
I don’t really remember what happened next. I have flashbacks of some things like walking to his car, and then him naked on top of me, but I don’t remember what happened in between. I vaguely remember telling him to stop because I was in pain, but I don’t know if that was a dream or something that really happened.
I woke up the next day with the urge to vomit; my head was pounding and my body ached. Beng was on the other side of the bed and his back was turned to me. When I looked around, nothing about the room felt familiar. There was a condom, still in its wrapper, on the corner of the bed and I could see my dress and purse on a cabinet across the room. I used what little energy I had to grab my things and get out of there.
When I called my friends later, they told me that I had taken off my shoes at the party and danced on the table, giving Beng a strip show, and that I had insisted on going home with him despite their reluctance. They said Beng convinced me not to worry about what my friends said and that he would take good care of me.
Despite what my friends say, I can’t believe that I would have consented to sex with Beng. I am just not that kind of person. I’ve only had sex with one other person, who was also the only guy that I’ve ever kissed.
I had such an awesome time last night. I met this cute chick that I used to see around at parties. May used to seem really shy but last night she looked like she was on the prowl. I was kinda getting the vibe that she wanted attention from any guy at the party, that it didn’t have to be me. Anyway, we were getting along well, we both liked the same music, and she was drinking like a fish! I don’t normally put the moves on girls because I’m usually too shy, but we both had a lot to drink. And then around midnight when her ‘favorite song’ came on she insisted on getting up on a table, dancing sexily and staring at me while she mouthed the words to the song. Maybe I was drunk but it seemed like she wanted me bad.
She asked me if she could come home with me. I couldn’t believe my luck. As we were leaving, her friends became all territorial and looked at me like I was some sexual predator. I told them I would take care of her and put May into the car. We drove to my house, although we stopped a couple of times because she thought she was going to puke. I brought her into the house and as soon as we stepped into the room, May started undressing. Just like that! She got completely naked and then flopped on the bed. I followed her lead and took my clothes off. I asked her if she wanted to use a condom – I heard some girls don’t – and she just shook her head. The sex wasn’t that great because I was pretty drunk and had a hard time keeping it up. Unsurprisingly, May didn’t seem to be really into it but every now and then she’d smack my butt so I kept going. It was hard to understand anything she was saying because she wasn’t really making sense, but at one point I think she said that it hurt. As soon as she said that, I pulled out and went to bed. This morning when I woke up she was gone. She had just disappeared! I’m going to call her now to make sure she got home okay and find out why she left without saying goodbye.
|EDITOR’S NOTE: Alcohol consumption has many effects on sexual activity. Primarily, alcohol intoxication is associated with an increased risk in people engaging in risky sexual behaviour. The amount of alcohol affecting someone’s sex drive is specific to each individual, which is why it is so important for young men and women to know their limits. Consuming too much alcohol can lead to a range of consequences, ranging from less serious ones like sexual impotence and poor performance, to very serious consequences such as rape. Watch your own consumption if you are going out with someone with whom you have not clearly communicated and established boundaries; this applies to you if you are planning to initiate sex too!|
WTF! has put together a list of 7 critical tips for our readers about how to avoid being in a situation like Beng and May:
|Yes means yes but no means no. If you’re not sure whether your partner is interested in engaging in sexual activity, then it’s best to avoid it altogether. Don’t take advantage of someone’s drunkenness to have sex with him or her. Intoxication negates consent and you don’t want to find yourself on the wrong side of the law.|
|Communicate. If you’re not interested in engaging in sexual activity, then be explicit and don’t assume people know what you’re thinking. Don’t be afraid to say exactly how far you are willing to go, and it’s okay to change your mind.|
|Use the buddy system. Stay close to friends whom you trust, look after each other, and always let a friend know where you’re going and who you’ll be with.|
|Eat before you go out. A full stomach slows the absorption of alcohol so grab a quick bite before you party.|
|Don’t leave drinks unattended. Don’t accept drinks from strangers and never take your eyes off your drink.|
|Know your limits and drink in moderation. Don’t let others top up your drinks and try to choose drinks that have low alcohol content. Don’t mix your drinks.|
|Don’t drink and drive. Driving while intoxicated is against the law so never get into a car with someone who has been drinking.|